The Daily Mail (UK) – January 28th 2017

Inside the head of … Isla Fisher

People say to me: ‘You’re like that Isla Fisher… but nowhere near as good-looking’: Inside the head of Isla Fisher

What is your earliest memory?
My second birthday. I was wearing red tights and red patent leather shoes and I remember thinking I was very stylish.

What sort of child were you?
Small, fat and happy with a mop of ginger hair. Like a baby orang-utan who always talked too much in class and was frequently told off by teachers.

What is the worst thing anyone has ever said to you?
I had an agent who once said to me, ‘Without your hair, you are nothing.’ She is obviously no longer my agent. I slightly believe what she said though.

Describe the best night of your life
My 40th birthday last February. All my friends and family were there, and my husband gave me the greatest surprise. I was on the dancefloor with my school friends, stuffing cake into my mouth when the crowds parted and Katy Perry appeared. She was holding a sparkly microphone and serenading me with her hit single Firework. I had to pretend not to know every lyric so she wouldn’t think I was a stalker.

What has been your most embarrassing moment?
During the press tour for Now You See Me. All of the actors and our director were on a panel answering questions, and one journalist asked me to explain how our characters had robbed a bank in the first part of the film. I didn’t know the answer, but I decided to wing it and began confidently talking about the plot, which I got totally wrong. The director Louis Leterrier was just staring at me open-mouthed.

What is your guilty pleasure?
Looking at pictures of animals dressed as humans on the internet. It always cheers me up.

What is the worst job you’ve ever had?
I rode a rescue pony as a child and to pay for her feed I would collect her poop and sell it by the side of the road as fertiliser for $2. Cars would stop and everyone would use it for their gardens. But sometimes I’d need the money so I wouldn’t wait for the poop to dry and would collect it wet. Yuck!

Have you ever cheated death?
I was chained underwater when playing an escapologist in Now You See Me. My handcuffs got stuck and I tried to alert the crew by banging on the window, but they didn’t do anything because that was what my character was supposed to be doing. Luckily, I was able to untangle the chain and swim to the surface.

What are the best and worst things about being famous?
The best thing is that it’s easier to get a table at a restaurant. The worst is being told that I look ‘a bit like that Isla Fisher’ or ‘Amy Adams’ but that I am nowhere near as good-looking.

What is your most treasured possession?
My laptop. I love to write and I use it every day. It comes everywhere with me. I have written in cars, waiting for appointments, in bed, at my local coffee shop – and when I am deep-sea diving.

Who would be your dream dinner date?
Donald Trump. I would try to convince him to resign, although I would have to wear a p**** guard, obviously.

What are you scared of?
Donald Trump being President.

Which living person do you dislike the most and why?
President Assad of Syria. He is responsible for the deaths of tens of thousands of men, women and children and the international community has let him get away with it.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
‘Thingy.’ It can be used to accurately describe anything.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?
My kidneys – they make me look fat from behind.

What is your guilty pleasure?
Until recently I followed Justin Bieber on Instagram.

If you could go back in time, where would you go?
To Queens, New York City, September 14, 1945, to give Fred Trump a condom.

What song do you want at your funeral?
Edith Piaf’s Je Ne Regrette Rien.

What phobias do you have?
I have a phobia about being nominated for an Oscar again and not being able to find the right dress. Oh hang on, I’m not Amy Adams.

Last book you read?
Thinking, Fast And Slow by Daniel Kahneman, the Nobel prize-winning psychologist.

Last film You Saw?
Lion directed by Garth Davis and written by Luke Davies. It’s a true story – and very emotional.

Last play you saw?
A View From The Bridge by Arthur Miller with the incredible Mark Strong. It was sensational.

Isla Fisher is the author of ‘Marge In Charge’ and ‘Marge And The Pirate Baby’ (Piccadilly Press), out now