– November 16th 2010

The Wedding Guide – How to chat up a bridesmaid by Isla Fisher

“The good thing about a wedding is that you’ve got cheesy romantic songs and alcohol. Both of course are classic aphrodisiacs for a lot of women. I read that if you have some kind of injury, it makes women feel comfortable talking to you. It’s the classic thing – when a lion closes in on the antelope, if it’s wounded, the chase is easier. The injury needs to be enough to evoke sympathy but not so much that you are turn into someone’s mother. So you see a girl you fancy at the reception, make an eyepatch out of a napkin and limp over to her. You ask, ‘How do you know so-and-so?’ and she’ll say, ‘What happened to your eye?’ Then you make up something really manly and macho like, ‘I did it playing rugby’, something that evokes an image of a man doing something neanderthal and alpha male. And then see what happens after that. Alternatively, I hear a wedding ring is apparently a good way… which is absolutely disgusting. I think I read that in your magazine!”

As told to Andy Morris. Confessions Of A Shopholic is out now on Blu-ray.